The Truth – Well Part of It

I tell you what.  There are some ex-family members that I would just like to walk up to and tell them the truth of the whole matter – of my wife leaving me and the whole story as I see it.  I do have a version of the truth.  They are just not the kind of people that want to hear the truth.  They like to live in their little fairy tale, but in this fairy tale there is a bully.  That would be my ex father-in-law.  It is his way or the highway, and he is not very nice about it if you cross him.  And every one in his immediate family kowtows to him.  Of course they are all women – his wife and two daughters, and they excuse his behavior.

I remember one time I was in the parking lot of his buildings and we got into a discussion and he tried to get my goat by insulting my father, about the number of times that my dad had been married.  Out of respect for my elder, and the fact that my father raised me to be a bigger man then to react to peoples insults, I didn’t say anything to him.  But the truth of the matter was that my ex mother-in-law and her dedication to her marriage vows is what kept their marriage together.

I could tell from the stories that my ex told me that while she was growing up her dad was not around very much, and when he was at home he always worked – he worked away from home and he worked at home.  That life would suck.  Some people may admire him and his family because they have money – but at what cost do they have their money?  They have sacrificed their family on the altar of money.

And just because someone has money doesn’t make them any smarter then your regular Joe Blow.  I don’t understand why people look up to people who have money!!  They are in no better situation then you are.  Everyone dies – no exceptions – period.  And you can’t take it with you.  Hoard the money all you want and when you die someone else will be spending it.

I am a people watcher by habit.  I could go to the airport or mall and just sit and watch people.  How they interact with others or how they can just be oblivious to things that are going on around them.   One thing that I noticed about my ex is how she strives for her father’s approval.  Wow, it use to just make me sick to watch it.  But my best guess is that she wanted his attention and approval when she was a child and she did not get it, and now as an adult she is still striving for that same approval.

Now with all that money how do you fix that?  You can’t go back and spend more time with your kids or give them the approval they needed when they were young.  This family and the world for that matter is in a sad state of affairs.  I could go on but it will wait for another day.

Single or Divorced?

Okay, as of about 10am this morning I am offically divorced or am I allowed to say single?  Like I have said in my blog it is bittersweet.  Did I really want to get divorced – No.  But when the person you are married to does not want to live with you what is a person to do.  It is not fair for my spouse (ex now) to make a decision to move out and then expect  me to live in limbo for an extended period of time.  What kind of life is that for someone to lead. 

I have to admit that I do not think that she was alone in planning this out.  I am sure that she would have shared the fact that she was leaving me at least with one of her family members or possibly planned it out with that SOMEONE special, and I am not referring to myself I can tell you that.  I was the last person to know.  Of course, these are just the thoughts going through my mind at this time.  Time will tell the truth of the matter.

Well, as of right now I am single again and hopefully better things are down the line.

So again the question do I get to say single or should I say divorced?

The Divorce Is Final

On Nov. 2, 2006 my divorce is final, which is bittersweet. I guess my biggest problem is the whole reason for the divorce. I guess it can be summarized in the chorus to Carrie Underwood’s song Wasted:

I don’t wanna’ spend my life jaded

Waiting to wake up one day and find

That I’ve let all these years go by

Wasted

This kinda of summarizes what she said to me back in March. She was unhappy and didn’t want to let the years go by and still be unhappy. Well, guess what I was unhappy too, but I didn’t cut and run. Being unhappy is not a Biblical reason for divorce if my memory serves me. You do try to find help but that was not an option for her. Which I don’t understand.

Anyways, I’m not really sure what I want or need to say here just need to let out some of my personal feelings. One of the things she did say to me was that she wanted to remain friends. What the heck does that mean? You are leaving me how exactly am I suppose to take that? Doesn’t sound like some one who wants to be friends. Does it make any sense for someone, one minute be married and then say I am moving out, but I want to be friends. She had her sister over the same morning that she told me and was completely moved out by the next day at noon. And moved all the stuff into an apartment that was ready and waiting. That does not sound spontaneous to me, but planned out.

Well, thanks for reading and letting me share my take on the situation.

Winding Up the Divorce

Well, as it stands right now hopefully my divorce will be finalized within a month. As I said to Vickie a while back I would just like to close this chapter in my life and be able to heal and move on. When she decided that she was going to move out and tell me the same morning that she start packing, she said that she was not happy. Now to some of you out there this is a completely legitimate reason to get out of a marriage but if you had been raised in my church – it is not. Just plain and simple. Saying I am not happy is not a valid reason to cut and run, and then on top of that say that she still wants to be friends.

Well, all the friends I know keep in touch with one another someway somehow, but not in this case which leads me to believe that that was not the real intent of the statement. Just an excuse to ease someone’s consience as far as I am concerned. In the interest of honesty Vickie told me when she moved out that she did not want to get divorced – just live apart and remain married – what a load of crap! How are you suppose to solve any problems when they are never addressed? Also, just for clarification there was no abuse going on, but there was no spending anytime together either. This whole mess is completely screwed up with no one trying to solve any problems, but you can’t solve problems if one person is not interested in doing so.

“I’m not happy, but we can still be friends,” who is fooling who. Marriage is a commitment supposedly through the good and the bad. I know that I have had plenty of bad times through this marriage but I stuck it through, there were a lot of things done that I did not approve of but I let it go.

My advice to blended families out there. You can not have two set of rules for the kids. There were plenty of times that when my kids came to me and said that this is not fair and I agreed with them, but that they still needed to do the right thing, but the older they got I would look at the situation and say it is not fair, why is it fair for one child to get away with something and the other two have to obey my rules, it became increasingly harder to maintain order and finally I gave in and said to myself if the oldest child doesn’t have to contribute to the household why is it fair to ask the younger ones to continue to contribute to the household. Well, the real answer is that you have to maintain your resolve and raise the children correctly whether or not your spouse is raising their’s correctly or not. I fear that I have put my children into a dangerous position and I pray that God will make the best of it. I am not concerned for myself as much as I am for my children.

Once my divorce is finalized and over I hope to publish some other feelings and concerns. I do not like hiding the truth about things, and I feel people need to know the truth. Some might ask why are you writing about these things? Well, that is a good question with a twofold answer. One, I need an outlet to express how I feel about things, and two, it is just about the truth.

I don’t know if my dad has talked with my wife since she left, but you would think that family members would say hey what is going on or how can we help? But, I have not heard word one from my in-laws. Of course when your in-laws help your spouse move out I guess they really don’t care how you are handling things, or if they can help patch things up. But in reality this did not come as a surprise to me.

The Big Brown Machine

The management style of this company is truly amazing.  I go into work at Midnight about an hour and a half after the Midnight shift starts.  This shift processes alot of packages.  We have trailers coming in and being unloaded and sorted and then the packages are loaded again onto a trailer to continue on their way to their destination.

If people fall behind in their work there have been lots of times where supervisors will yell and try and intimidate employees into working faster or a supervisor will just stand and stare at the employees to intimidate them.  There are also numerous acts of safety violations that we would not get away with on other shifts.

Many people feel that this is such a great company to work for but in reality how would you like to work your butt off for $8.50-9.50 an hour to load or unload trailers.  It is gruelling work.  There really is no easy job there.  Sure we have great benefits and if you stay long enough your pay will go up to a decent amount, but it is also a high stress, thankless job.  So if you are a relative of an employee I would encourage you to show your appreciation to your spouse or boyfriend or girlfriend for the hard work that they do for it is indeed hard work.

9/11

I remember exactly what I was doing on 9/11/01 and when I first heard about it. I had just dropped my oldest son off at Liberty Christian Academy and was driving home while listening to my ham radio. I heard two other ham radio operators talking about it, and of course I turned my radio on to listen to the news while I drove the rest of the way home. As soon as I got home I turned on the TV and needless to say was glued to the TV for the next several days. It happened on a Tuesday, the first of a three day suspension for me from UPS, the suspension couldn’t have come at a better time. It allowed me the time to take in all that was happening and to do some grieving for those that were lost that day.

I just want everyone to know that I support our troops and believe in what they are doing over in the Middle East. I pray for their protection, and hope for their soon return to their families.

On the first anniversary of the attack I had the pleasure of taking my boys to Shanksville, PA, and attending the memorial service there for those lost on United Flight 93. I hope my boys appreciated it and hope that they will remember the sacrifice that others have made to help us be more secure. Those on United Flight 93 gave up their lives in order to save others, we owe them a debt of gratitude, and should honor their memory along with all the others that have given up their lives so that we may live free.

I want to honor our men and women in the military who help to maintain our freedoms, but I also want to honor the civilians that have laid down their lives to protect others.

May God Bless You All.

Death

Last night I went for a drive and as I crested the bridge on Schrock I came upon a pretty serious accident. Two motorcycles and one SUV. When I arrived the two motorcycles were in pieces on the north side of Schrock and the two riders had been thrown into the shoulder area of the road. There may have been only one motorcycle and two riders but not really sure. There were pieces of vehicles all over the place and it was dark, but definitely one motorcycle was jammed under the guardrail on the north side of Schrock. The SUV was still on the south side of Schrock in the middle of the road on its top, not sure what caused it to roll over.

I passed the accident and parked on the shoulder on the north side of Schrock Road just after the freeway. I grabbed my Surefire flashlight and started walking back to the accident scene to see if I could help. The first body I came to was all twisted up and it was very apparent that he was dead I found it very hard to even shine my light on him, and I could not bring myself to even check his vital signs.

I walked down to the second victim and he was doing pretty well, sitting up holding onto his ankle. The man from the SUV was up and walking around so must not have received to many injuries. Spent most of my time trying to get the traffic on Schrock road to slow down and not hit anyone else. I used my flashlight to signal traffic to slow down and move them past the accident scene. I am just guessing but friends of the motorcycle riders were close behind and were crossing the road back and forth, and probably were in a little shock themselves.

A couple of times a friend of one of the guys on the motorcycles was yelling and looked like he was going to become violent with the driver of the SUV. A few minutes later the fire department arrived and the police showed up soon after that. One of the firemen borrowed my flashlight to check out the first victim and then the second. For a few minutes some one thought that one victim was missing and had been thrown over the guardrail, but in reality it was the victim that had died and was on the shoulder.

Two main reasons for this post. The first is just so that I can remember what happened and refresh my memory if needed in the future. Second, is just so that people hopefully will not take their lives for granted and to remember that there is a God, and that we need to analyze where we are, honestly analyze where we are in our lives.

Lastly, and this really doesn’t have any bearing on this at all because any light is better then none. But often when asked about the price of my flashlight and I say it was $100 many people are shocked, but in a little over one year I have been thankful twice that I have had a quality flashlight and not some piece of junk. Did I save anyone else from being a victim last night by helping to slow down traffic I guess we will never know – because no one else was hit.

Jessica’s Wedding

I and my family went to Jessica Loew’s wedding this past evening. We had a great time. It is nice to see two people join there lives together. But it is also a time when I get to see the members of my family on my Mom’s side. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen to often. We have in the past been getting together only at funerals or weddings, but at least we are getting to see each other.

I also got to see my two half sisters Trisha and Pam, and of course my cousins Julie, Amy, Kevin, and of course all of their kids. Actually, the family is getting quite large and I don’t make any claims that I can remember everyones name.

I think that we have realized that we should see each other more often but it just doesn’t happen, and that is alright I can live with that – no matter what we are still family.

I love getting to see Jessica and especially my Aunt Mary. I danced with both of them tonight (if that is what you want to call it). The last time I danced with my aunt I think was at her wedding when I was really young. I remember my Uncle Vinny teaching me the box trot so that I would know a little bit when I danced with my aunt at her wedding.

My Uncle Chuck and Uncle Vinny, both who I haven’t seen in ages were both here tonight, it was great to see them. I hope that one day I will be able to spend time in heaven with all my extended family and not have to worry about the passage of time, because time will not matter anymore. And we can make up for all the time that we have missed here on earth.

Just want you all to know that I love you !!

The Perfect Man

So Mike and I are just sitting here watching a movie called, “The Perfect Man”. It is actually a chick flick so I am not sure why we are watching it. But it just made me think back to when I was little and we use to pass notes back and forth, so I asked Mike do kids still pass notes back and forth or do they just text message each other, he said, “only the kids in grade school pass notes back and forth.” It just made me laugh.

Happy 21st Birthday Christopher !!

You know that the Bible says that since you are the first born you are supposed to get a double inheritance! I guess double of nothing is still nothing

Can’t have your CAKE and eat it too !!

You know I love you man !